


and at night we fall in love again

by coppertears



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drummer!Chanyeol, Established Relationship, Idiots in Love, M/M, Miscommunication Issues, Pining, Romance, friends to lovers to exes to lovers, university!au, w: swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-17
Updated: 2016-06-17
Packaged: 2018-07-15 15:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7227997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coppertears/pseuds/coppertears
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>one is too much. the other is too little.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and at night we fall in love again

  
**and at night we fall in love again**  
krisyeol  
pg-13  
w: swearing  
one is too much. the other is too little.

 

this room is steeped in the different hues of people drunk beyond caring, but kris finds that even in the anonymity of darkness and flashing lights, he can't quite bring himself to lose control. he sets aside the glass of alcohol that luhan had pushed into his hands upon entering, and he tries to breathe in air that's not been tainted by smoke and who knows what else. there are too many bodies acting like they're having a good time, when in reality kris knows they're just looking for some sort of escape -- from friends, lovers, family problems. he knows the drill.

"you're such a bore," luhan complains. "go out if you don't want to dance, then." he makes several shooing motions that look more like he's trying to twist himself to ribbons, and kris takes the cue. it's not like he wants to continue drowning in the chaos anyway.

outside it's more relaxed. the people lingering are mostly the ones who have passed out or are too far gone to care about the pulse of music drumming against their skulls. kris sidesteps a boy who's sprawled all over the back entrance of the house, and he starts walking towards the curb.

"why aren't you dancing?"

kris turns around and sees a guy who's maybe a little younger than he is. the guy is sporting a lazy grin that makes him look like one of those people who think they own the world, but kris thinks it's pretty in its own way. "why aren't _you_?"

the guy shrugs. "i'm not dancing because i can't dance." he wrinkles his nose, and kris must have taken drugs by accident because he thinks that the guy is cute.

"i'm not dancing because it feels too much like a show." kris waits for the guy to be confused, to blink at kris and get out of his way.

the guy does neither. instead, he laughs. kris thinks that luhan must have spiked his drink with _something_ because he's not supposed to think that this guy is charming when he laughs with a very pronounced eye twitch.

"it is a show. people go in to get drunk out of their minds and maybe have a reason to do things they normally wouldn't do. this is their license to being who they want to be, even if it's just for the night. even if there are consequences."

the guy's eyes have a strange light in them, one that's depthless and far-reaching, and kris feels like if he plumbs past the irises he'll get consumed by the most intense light he's ever come across.

"what's your name?" he hears himself saying.

"chanyeol. park chanyeol. you?"

"my real name's wu fan. but you can call me kris."

chanyeol holds out his hand. "nice to meet you, kris."

and there's that light again, peeking out through chanyeol's warm, open gaze, and kris can't seem to look away. "nice to meet you too."

 

 

 

 

kris doesn't see chanyeol for the next three months. uni's a pretty big place, and a single face can get lost in the enormity of the college crowd. once or twice he catches himself thinking of loud laughter and eye twitches, but the moment passes. he doesn't miss him because missing someone means that person is gone and you spend your waking hours waiting for him to come back. kris knows chanyeol's not gone -- he's out there somewhere, attending parties where he can't dance, clear-headed and sober despite the booze pouring through the cracks. there's life outside of a guy he's met in a party where people change identities the way they change their clothes. so kris doesn't miss him, but he does wonder where he is.

he gets his answer on an autumn day where everything is ablaze except for the temperature. it's cold enough to warrant a sweater but not a coat, and kris buys a coffee from a roadside stand. his organization is holding a concert for local indie bands and kris gets to sit up front because he's the president, and also because he has to recite his gratitude to more than a hundred sponsors. so that day he's sitting maybe just a few inches away from the stage, trying to maintain a smile on his face, trying to exude the right amount of _i am enjoying this_.

the stage comes to life when _phoenix rising_ emerges from a burst of smoke. kris absorbs the high notes of the lead singer who's dressed all in leather and whose eyes are rimmed with eyeliner. then the drummer catches his attention and kris's eyes widen as he takes in the sight of chanyeol, long and lanky and wild and, somehow, _familiar_. chanyeol is slicked back hair and pure craziness tonight, his ripped arms flying over the drums in reckless abandon, and when he laughs it's his deep voice racing along with the night air.

afterwards, kris manages to corner chanyeol on the latter's way out. he doesn't even need to say a word -- chanyeol takes one look at him and he's telling his bandmates to go on ahead. they nod and leave, bowing to kris as they pass by him.

"kris, isn't it?" chanyeol asks with a cheshire cat-like grin on his lips, but his eyes tell kris that it's a rhetorical question. chanyeol knows it's kris; he's asking only for the sake of asking.

"chanyeol," kris says. just his name, just that one word, but it almost sounds intimate. like there's a world of secrets behind chanyeol's name, and there's a longing hovering beneath the syllables.

in seconds, chanyeol is right in front of kris and he's holding his hand out. "phone."

kris gives it, and he watches as chanyeol types in a string of numbers and saves it under the name _channie_.

"text me as soon as you can so i can save your number," chanyeol says as he hands back kris's phone. "there's no point in pretending, kris. we've both been trying to find each other for weeks, and i'd be damned if i didn't admit that i actually asked the band to join this concert because i'd heard that someone named kris was the organizer. it was a shot in the dark, sure, but it was worth a try."

kris clears his throat. "i wasn't actually looking for you --"

"but you wondered where i was," chanyeol interrupts with a knowing smile. "just text me, kris. see you."

with that he leaves, the door shutting closed behind him. kris inhales the lingering traces of peppermint and thinks that he'll have a hard time washing that scent out of his skin.

 

 

 

 

 

resisting chanyeol is like pushing against a wall. no matter how much force you exert, no matter how many threats you throw to the skies, the wall isn't going to crumble to dust at your touch. so kris texts chanyeol and gets an ambiguous _we'll meet again soon :)_ back, and then he spends the rest of the night wondering why he can't seem to take a step back. in this whirlwind waltz under the moonlight he's the lead but he's not in control; he's the one guiding chanyeol, but chanyeol is whispering directions in his ear. it's confusing, but what disturbs kris the most is the fact that he likes this feeling.

he understands what chanyeol's text means when, a week later, he sees a familiar silhouette leaning on the pillar just outside of kris's classroom. it's the end of the day and kris doesn't really have anything planned, doesn't have a place to rush to, so he takes his time going out. when he does he almost drops his books because right there is chanyeol with his back against the pillar and his hands in his pockets, watching kris with a look on his face that kris can't quite see because a shadow slants across chanyeol's eyes. it's sunset and the orange is seeping through the blue, and all kris can really think of is _oh_.

chanyeol smiles then, and that's when it happens -- that's when kris knows that that smile has found its corner in his heart and he'll never forget, not ever, and maybe he's in more danger than he cares to admit. that's when there is a subtle shift from strangers to lovers, the transition so fast and fleeting and _natural_ , and there's just no way to reverse it.

he'd fallen for chanyeol from the start. he might as well go all the way.

 

 

 

 

it's amusing how they fall into each other like lego bricks that have always been meant to fit, and it's unbelievable how their lives collide then become so bound together that it's almost impossible to take apart the pieces of their identities. kris doesn't know how the rock music finds its way into his ipod, and he doesn't know why chanyeol has gone from ragged statement shirts to neat longsleeves. no one knows who's really in charge and maybe it's a dictatorship, maybe it's a democracy, but when the night falls all that matters is that they're together.

one winter's day chanyeol takes him to _phoenix rising_ 's practice in his garage, and despite not knowing a single thing about music, kris decides that he likes how the band sounds. it's freezing because the garage has no heater, and kris sits on the hood of chanyeol's dad's car while sipping a cup of hot chocolate. he links the names to the faces quickly: the guitarist is lay but his real name is yixing, the bass is handled by tao, suho plays the piano, baekhyun is the lead singer and, of course, chanyeol is the drummer. when the practice ends and the air fogs up with panting breaths and shivers, kris claps. he soon becomes a constant presence in their practices.

chanyeol meets kris's friends at a cafe they usually frequent. the thing is, most of his friends are the baristas of the cafe, and they take turns sitting at the table to talk to chanyeol. chanyeol is more than a little spoiled as luhan treats him to a latte of his choice, kyungsoo shyly presents him a plate of red velvet cupcakes, sehun offers a glass of lemonade, and kai sneaks him a slice of chocolate mousse cake. xiumin and chen don't work at the cafe but they bring steamed buns and stories, little tales that make chanyeol break into boisterous laughter. there isn't even a need to tell him he's welcome to come back any time he wants to.

 

 

 

 

sometimes they go on normal dates, ones that involve romantic dinners and carnival rides, the obligatory picnics and the strolls through dusty seoul streets. but most of the time they're unplanned and unpredictable, doing whatever they want to do as long as they have the time.

on clear nights they drive out to the hidden corners of seoul, and they chase stars with their eyes and their hearts. it's beautiful, lying on the grass like that, thinking that there's no other person you'd rather do this with. and when kris catches chanyeol staring at him too long, he knows that the younger guy is thinking the same thing.

"someday when we're out of college and you're the ceo of your own business, i'll be a touring musician and i'll buy us an island that we can get away to whenever we want to," chanyeol says, his hands tracing the figure of orion in the sky.

"and we'll build our own city and our family will be the inhabitants. sometimes our friends can visit but we'll thrive on our own," kris adds.

"we can scale mount everest together."

"or walk across the sahara."

"we'll take over the world!"

maybe it's the adrenaline rush of being out here at midnight without knowing what will happen next, maybe it's the constellations winking at him like they know how he feels, maybe his heart is overflowing and everything keeps falling through the cracks in his fingers. but there are words in his chest that are on their way out, and he tries to stop the flood by rolling over on top of chanyeol and kissing the air out of him.

when chanyeol looks up at him with dazed eyes and bursts of light, the words pass through kris's lips: "i love you."

and for a moment chanyeol looks unsure, looks afraid, and from this close kris can see his lips tremble. and kris is terrified too, he's vulnerable, because there's his heart exposed and on the line.

chanyeol reaches out to touch his face. "i love you too."

they're on the same ground, now.

 

 

 

 

it doesn't take too long for chanyeol to fill kris's apartments with his belongings, insinuating himself into every crevice and every square meter. there are extra towels and toothbrushes, stacks of ramyun in the cupboards, and unfamiliar shirts thrown into kris's drawers. he runs his fingers over the clothes and tries to think if it's his or chanyeol's, but ultimately he decides that they're the same size so it's not much of a difference.

chanyeol likes to wrap himself around kris when they sleep. he likes his coffee black with two sugars, eats enough ramyun to induce a kidney problem, and plays loud music whenever kris refuses to wake up in the mornings. he's spontaneous and hyperactive and childish, and whenever he does these things all kris can do is smile.

there are times when kris is reminded that chanyeol isn't as perfect as kris thinks he is. chanyeol is the perfect companion -- he's a ball of pure energy that explodes when he comes into contact with open surroundings, and even when he's silent he exudes a comfortable aura. but he's not the perfect lover -- not in the emotional sense. he's a good kisser and he lingers on kris's skin with touches that burn, but he tends to overlook the details.

being with chanyeol means you have to share him with everyone else, because chanyeol is that generous. he is open and willing and _fun_ , and people gravitate to him easily. he can fill a room with life and soul, and when kris fetches him from a party it almost always feels like he's taking away something crucial to the other people present.

but chanyeol never forgets to remind him when it's dark and they're nestled in the privacy of their sheets, and they're lying flush against each other -- he never forgets to say _i love you kris, you know that don't you?_ and _i'm sorry i was so busy today, it's just that we're trying to bag a record deal_. and kris nods and presses his lips against chanyeol's neck: _i understand, it's okay, i love you too_.

chanyeol falls asleep with his face buried in the space between kris's shoulder and neck, and the deep thrum of his breathing sends tingles throughout kris's body. kris stays awake, looking into the void and wondering -- still wondering -- how much more distance is left before he can see the root of chanyeol's light.

the problem is, kris is a little selfish. he's not one to share, and he likes being paid attention to. when he loves he gives his all, and he expects the other person to reciprocate.

kris sighs and closes his eyes.

 

 

 

 

he remembers that one time they'd come home drunk, the taxi driver nearly shoving them out of the backseat. the delicious feeling of abandon had taken over and they'd tripped up the apartment stairs, fumbling for keys and maybe sneaking in touches on pliant skin, and they'd crashed through the entrance and almost forgotten to lock the door.

somehow they'd managed to make it to their bed, the aroma of liquor embracing them, and kris was too caught up in a fog of whiskey, vodka, tequila and a few other drinks he'd drunk because chanyeol had convinced him to. it had always been easy for chanyeol to coerce him into doing something.

and as chanyeol planted hickeys all over his collarbones, kris's alcohol-loosened tongue whispered into the other man's ear: "i love you."

chanyeol had smiled that shit-eating grin of his, far too drunk yet far too beautiful, and he'd said, "i know. i love you too."

"forever?"

"forever."

 

 

 

 

it's a promise that comes to kris every now and then, a promise he holds on to whenever chanyeol comes home later than he'd said he would and dinner had gone cold, when chanyeol forgets kris's birthdays and their anniversaries sometimes, when two years have passed and chanyeol is still not any better at giving back.

kris understands that no matter how intertwined they may be, their lives are still so different. he can take leaves when he wants to and he can boss around people because his position in the company is high, but there's no vacation from fame. there's no rest when you're trying to make people love you, to make people _listen_. and when kris sees chanyeol's tense shoulders and tired eyes while he sleeps on the couch because he can't even walk all the way to the bedroom, kris gives up.

he gives up, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know -- somewhere deep inside -- that this train wreck had started two years ago and they're on broken rails now, heading for a dead-end.

maybe it's because kris gives too much and expects too much. he throws lavish parties, makes ostentatious displays of affection, spends his money on expensive presents that chanyeol never really comes to appreciate. maybe it's because chanyeol is the exact opposite -- he does give, he does love, but not on the same level as kris does. all he ever wants is kris's love, all he ever wants is to come home to kris. he doesn't expect flowers for every concert, he doesn't expect trips to places with names he can't even pronounce, he wants things to just _be_.

and they're on the extreme ends of the spectrum driven together by loving and loving and _loving so much it hurts_ , but neither quite understands the other, and no one ever has the courage to speak up.

so they let silence create a rift deeper than loud voices and smashed objects can ever make.

 

 

 

 

there was a time when kris had gotten sick and he'd resigned himself to the apartment without telling chanyeol because he knew his boyfriend would be busy. he'd stayed in bed and gone to sleep, hoping the headache would go away somehow.

when he woke up chanyeol was hovering above him and he'd placed a damp towel on kris's forehead, all the while muttering _why didn't you tell me, idiot_.

"i thought you were busy," kris had said, still feeling out of it and wondering where chanyeol had come from.

"yes i was, but i called your office a while ago and they told me you were sick. so i bargained with my manager and came back here to the apartment as fast as i could."

"aren't you recording -- "

"ssh, go back to sleep."

and kris had -- he'd gone back to sleep, feeling that much safer because chanyeol was right there. for once, chanyeol was _right there_.

but chanyeol had always been there. despite his schedules and his shows and his photoshoots, chanyeol tried his best to be by kris's side. he'd been punished with 12-hour-long practices because he'd wanted to accompany kris to this function, to make it to his dinner date with kris, to be present at whatever party kris had decided to throw in his honor.

it was just that his efforts were always eclipsed by everything that kris did.

 

 

 

 

when kris comes home after a long business trip, he doesn't call for chanyeol. chanyeol never gets home before he does, but there's this tiny part of him hoping that maybe, just maybe, chanyeol has a day off and he's waiting for kris while playing mindless tunes on his guitar. but he doesn't have a day off, and he doesn't even send kris a text, and kris starts thinking that there's something wrong.

he looks over to the corner of the living room and realizes that chanyeol's personal drum set is not there.

his heart caves and it burns up his chest, the pain flaring through his rib cage. kris drops his briefcase and runs to their bedroom, and he starts to tear up the drawers. chanyeol's clothes are not there. the bathroom only has one towel and there is no extra toobrush, no peppermint toothpaste, no sign of chanyeol's citrus shampoo.

he gets to the kitchen and starts opening cupboards, starts scrambling around for a single ramyun pack but there's none. there's none and the reality of it all crashes into kris the same way waves crash into the shore, and he feels like he's being pulled under. he feels like he's gone off-course.

he finds himself standing in front of the refrigerator, a green post-it note stuck on the door. chanyeol's last message. there are only two words written on the note:

 _too much_.

 

 

 

several calls to chanyeol's number later, kris realizes that chanyeol had most probably changed it. he throws his phone away.

he doesn't know what to do. he doesn't know how to deal with this. it's been a couple of hours and he misses chanyeol already, misses the way the younger boy would leave a mess in the kitchen, misses the way chanyeol's things lie everywhere.

and he can't help but think back to bittersweet words and broken promises, can't help but  
think of chanyeol asking _why aren't you dancing_ the first time they'd met, can't help but think of chanyeol chanyeol _dammit chanyeol where are you_.

"you promised me forever. you said you'd love me forever," kris says aloud, but there is no one who'll answer him. there is no one he can get mad at, no one he can argue with because chanyeol is gone.

kris sleeps on the couch that night. the other side of the bed is simply too cold.

 

 

 

 

kris tries to spend as little time as possible in his apartment. he lives in his office now, breathing in coffee and using stacks of documents as pillows. he smiles and waves and answers questions politely during press conferences; he's productive and efficient and he doesn't do a single thing wrong. on the outside he's perfect.

on the inside he's a mess.

his mind likes to conjure up memories of chanyeol sometimes when it's dark and kris lowers his guard. he remembers long road trips in college and visits to the beach; he remembers chanyeol dragging him to the water, remembers chanyeol kissing him with the slightest tinge of salt on his lips. he remembers chanyeol's deep voice crooning a thousand lullabies, his fingers plucking at the guitar strings with a softness that's never present when he's banging on his drums for his band's performances.

he stares at the ceiling and recalls the way chanyeol had leaned on him as they'd walked through the streets of paris, and kris had wondered if chanyeol was happy, had wondered if chanyeol knew just how badly kris had wanted the best for him on his 23rd birthday. he'd booked the best hotel, the best wine, the best restaurant. kris had pulled out all the stops.

and as they lay in bed that night, kris had asked him, "are you happy?"

chanyeol had answered, "i'm happy whenever i'm with you."

and kris remembers feeling a tiny bit disappointed, feeling a tiny bit let down. but now he thinks he finally understands chanyeol's point: that chanyeol loves kris even if kris didn't take him to paris, that chanyeol loves kris for who he is and not what he can give chanyeol. and maybe kris had thought material things were a suitable replacement for affection, that they meant more than kisses on the forehead and waking up with chanyeol's face buried into his chest. but now he realizes that for chanyeol, being with kris alone is enough.

 _too much_. chanyeol's words come back to him, almost echoing in his ears. kris had been _too much_ , had wanted _too much_ , was simply _too much_. and chanyeol could only give _too little_ in return, had wanted _too little_ , had space that was _too little_ for kris.

when you try to cram yourself into a container with a limited capacity, eventually it will give out. eventually it will get destroyed and you will overflow, spilling through the cracks of a disaster you'd made yourself.

 

 

 

 

three months now since he's last seen chanyeol and kris feels defeated. he doesn't know if he can move on, doesn't know what to do next because they hadn't even broken up -- not really. chanyeol had disappeared from his life, had left with _too much_ and left behind _too little_ , and none of their friends were stepping in.

kris had tried. he'd called baekhyun but baekhyun had apologized, saying kris had to figure it out himself. all of chanyeol's band mates had said the same thing. kris's friends weren't helpful, either, and the most decent response he'd gotten was a smile from luhan and a _they say distance makes the heart grow fonder_.

kris doesn't need distance to remind him of how fond he is of chanyeol. he doesn't need miles and miles of not knowing where chanyeol is and what he's doing, he doesn't need the kind of space that takes chanyeol out of his sight entirely when kris is used to having chanyeol just a breath away from him.

he's more than just fond of chanyeol, he's in love with him so much _it fucking hurts_.

he wonders what baekhyun had meant by saying _you'll figure it out_.

 

 

 

 

five months in and kris realizes how stupid and blind he is.

but then he's always been like that.

 

 

 

 

it's nearly midnight when kris steps out of the apartment. outside the chill threatens to drive him back in, but kris has his sweater and coat on, and because he's a little hopeful tonight he brings along an extra scarf. he gets in his car and coasts down roads that may as well have been etched into the palms of his hand. he drives and drives and drives, foot on the gas pedal, heart in his stomach, and all along just wishing that he isn't too late.

he ends up at the place where chanyeol and he used to watch the stars above them, the place where they finally had the courage to put a name on their feelings.

a long, lanky figure sits against a huge boulder, head tilted up and hand reaching out to the skies. kris remembers reading somewhere that stars are balls of gases and they do die, and he thinks of how chanyeol is his planet in the center of the universe.

his footsteps are quiet but he knows chanyeol knows he's there; still, chanyeol just quietly mouths all the names of the constellations.

kris throws the scarf into chanyeol's lap. "aren't you cold?"

he wants to say _i'm sorry_. he wants to say _where have you been_? but he keeps them all in and waits for chanyeol to speak.

chanyeol's hand drops and he fingers the material of the scarf. "mmm, a little."

he looks up and kris only just barely swallows back the tears because in the five months they'd been apart, chanyeol had changed so much. he's thinner now, his hair is shorter, and his eyes are a little different -- a little like they've been losing the sparks that used to reside within the irises.

and he can't quite stop himself from asking, "how long have you been waiting?"

chanyeol shrugs, a tiny smile on the edges of his lips. "more than three months, give or take a couple days."

kris finds he cannot remember the speech he'd wanted to deliver once he'd found chanyeol. he finds his mind blank of anything else but _love_ and _did you miss me_ , and he tries to ignore that rankling fear that chanyeol might have found someone else.

"i..." chanyeol hesitates, then he pats the space beside him. "you should sit down."

as he lowers himself to the ground, kris tries not to brush against chanyeol. once he's settled he ignores his ingrained urge to lace his fingers through chanyeol's.

chanyeol clears his throat. "did you see the note?"

"hard not to, it was the only thing you left." kris notices how chanyeol winces a little. "it said _too much_ , if i recall correctly." of course kris can recall it. he'd spent so many nights reading it, over and over, trying to understand. trying to pinpoint the exact moment he'd pushed too far and caused chanyeol to fall off of the cliff completely.

"i just...i'm sorry," chanyeol says, and he looks at kris with tears in his eyes. kris wants to kiss the life out of him right now. he's missed him so bad.

"i'm the one who should be sorry."

chanyeol starts playing with the scarf. "it's...i don't know how to explain this. i don't know how to tell you in a way you'd understand..." he exhales, and kris wants so much to knead the tension out of his shoulders. "kris, i don't know. i guess i didn't need the trips to paris or the impromptu dinner dates at restaurants where i have to dress up in a suit. i didn't need a new watch or a full-scale shopping trip. i just needed you.

and i tried. i tried to give you just as much as what you were giving me, but it always felt like i fell short. i tried to keep track of the dates and make you feel important, i tried to be there at your business parties like the same way you attended all my concerts, and i tried and tried and tried. but i wasn't doing enough compared to you, and that hit me like a ton of bricks. and i knew i couldn't live up to your expectations -- i never had, and i never will."

"i know," kris says, his throat dry. "i know, i know i put too much pressure on you --"

chanyeol glances over at him with a sad smile. "i didn't leave because i fell out of love. goddammit, kris, i love you," he says with something that sounds like desperation in his voice. "i love you, i've always loved you, and i will love you forever. but falling in love is the easy part. falling for you is so easy, i could do it over and over again. the hard part is making it work. the hard part is making _us_ work." he sighs. "i left because i could feel, even from the start, that we're not equals in this relationship. you're the giver, i'm the receiver. that's not fair to you, and that's not fair to me. we can't work if we're off-balance. we can't work if you give too much and i give too little. we can't work if you expect so many things from me and i give close to nothing in return, and we can't work if i expect so little from you to make me happy and yet it's like you give me every little piece of yourself."

"i know. chanyeol, i know. god, i'm supposed to be the one making the speech." kris laughs a little. "and i'm sorry -- i'm sorry i didn't see that. i'm sorry that i made everything so complicated, i'm sorry i couldn't see just how simple everything was. i was...i was too selfish. i wanted to make you happy. i wanted to impress you, but you didn't even need to be impressed. i wanted to mark you, somehow, to just make you _mine_."

"i am yours," chanyeol says, and he says it with so much conviction that kris thinks _fuck this_. he closes the space between them and claims chanyeol's lips.

relief floods through him when chanyeol kisses him back.

"i miss you," kris whispers. "i miss you so much."

"you took a long time putting the dots together," chanyeol says teasingly.

"i think...i think we needed the time. we both had to step back a little, to see the bigger picture."

"mmm." chanyeol hums against kris's jaw. "i realized that we were destroying ourselves, you see. and i decided it was better to do it sooner rather than later. you can't keep giving everything away, kris. i love you the way you are and you're enough for me. at the end of the day i just want to sleep in your arms and wake up to your face. i don't want -- or need -- you to break down the Great Wall of China for me, because having you here is enough."

"i'll stop demanding so much from you, then," kris says, his lips on chanyeol's neck. "i'll stop sending you flowers on monthsaries because every day with you is important and i can't afford to give you flowers every day because you don't know how to take care of them."

"i can't promise you anything, kris. but i'll do better this time. i'll try harder."

"just go home earlier, please."

chanyeol smiles, really smiles this time, and he presses his forehead against kris's. "so what are we?"

"what are we?" kris repeats, grinning. "we can be rivals or best friends or strangers. we can be whatever we want to be."

"i like the sound of that."

and chanyeol kisses him, and kris forgets everything else. it's taken him too long, but he's finally realized that love isn't about doing what you think will make the other person happy. love is about doing what makes both of you happy without losing yourself along the way.

chanyeol loves kris. kris loves chanyeol. the equation is balanced, and there's no need to add extra elements.

they can just _be_.

*

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
